The Search

“Love, like life, is much stranger and far more complicated than one is brought up to believe” – An Unquiet Mind by Kay Jamison

 The quest for a new GP Doctor here in Victoria began on the internet. A list of qualified physicians was printed.

Phone calls began.

The exercise became one of searching for a live human being with a non-recorded voice.

Finally, on the seventh try a real human being cheerfully announced – “Good afternoon, this is Doctor Ortiz’s office, Linda speaking, how may I help you?”

Shocked. Stunned. Momentarily speechless I eventually croak “Is this a real live person? She, kind of perplexed, replied “last time I checked, yes I am real and alive.”

Wow. My lucky day. I wanted to immediately purchase a lottery ticket.

So, after a few questions, Linda set me up with an appointment on 3/3 at 2pm. That quick and easy.

3/3 I arrive 30 minutes early to fill out paper work as a new patient.

2 pm I’m ushered into the proverbial room. Answer a few questions for the friendly nurse Isabelle. Then – the Doctor will be with you in a few minutes, she says.

I’m thinking wow, professional and on schedule. I have hit the mother lode.

And right on schedule, after a brief 5 minute wait, Dr. Ortiz walks in, introduces himself and asks what he can do for me today.

I began to describe the reason for my visit and the conversation somehow got side tracked to: where did he get his medical degree – Germany – The Army – Spain – bull fights.

He said he’d never seen a bull fight and I advised him to not see one. Bloody mess.

Then, much to my chagrin, he advised me that he wanted to do that thing that only crazy people do: RUN WITH THE BOOLS in Pamplona, Spain.

Soooooooooooooooo……………………the search continues.

“Viewed in abstractions, love is the same thing for everybody. It thrills the same way, and devastates with bloodless efficiency” – “This Is What I Want” by Craig Lancaster

Posted in All kinds, America, Army, Behavior, Conversations, Doctor, human, life, Texas | 3 Comments

Human Kindness

“It is the history of our kindnesses that alone makes this world tolerable” – Robert Louis Stevenson

 When I hear of, read about, or am privileged to witness acts of human kindness I am often moved to tears.

Surely these manifestations of love for all creatures are an act of God. Or Godlike. Or possibly God.

“If it were not for the effect of kind words, kind looks, kind letters……I should be inclined to think our life a practical jest in the worst possible spirit” – An Unquiet Mind by Kay Jamison

Posted in All kinds, America, Behavior, Gate Guard, God, human, Kindness, life, Texas | 1 Comment

Bad JuJu

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage” – Anais Nin

I admit it. I’ve been in a funk lately. A real downer.

It’s so hard to be upbeat when one is surrounded by people who just don’t care.

To be fair though, it’s really not their fault. They are all overworked, underappreciated, and under paid. The perfect recipe for a rebellion of the spirit.

Still, one must beware the foul air. Before you realize it, you’ve been sucked into the abyss.

The trap. Bad juju.

Just in time, I’ve righted the ship. Grasped the hand.

I’m on this side of the dirt – employed – and standing up.

My advice to you is don’t let the bastards grind you down.

“Grief pulled him down like the hand of a drowning man” – Red on Red by Edward Conlon

Posted in America, Behavior, Gate Guard, human, juju, karma, life, sex, Texas | 1 Comment


“The truth is that no one lives off the truth and that’s why no one cares about the truth” – The Bat by Jo Nesbo

Made a serious mistake today. Don’t know how it happened.

Guess I just forgot to turn the TV off, or change the channel, or hit the mute button.

Bottom line………………..with my eyes and ears I accidentally endured 4 hours of 24 hour cable news.


For pure torture value, water boarding pales in comparison.

“If fear were a gas, it would be heavier than air” – Red on Red by Edward Conlon

Posted in America, Behavior, health, human, life, misery, NEWS, NFL, pain, Texas, torture | 2 Comments


“You don’t have to believe in omens to be seduced by them” – Desert Places by Robyn Davidson

I’m really in to the series “How the Universe Works”. Fascinating stuff.

Much of the information given on the show is over my head. However, all of these Astronomers, Physicists, Rocket Scientists and assorted Engineers freely admit that much of their knowledge is largely speculative.

So I don’t feel so bad about my limited comprehension abilities.

One point they made with too much confidence for my blood was that at some point in the future the earth will cease to exist. It will be destroyed by our dying sun.

Granted, it will not happen for billions of years…………..but still.

For some strange reason this information really disturbs me.

Mother earth, our home, will be no more. No more sunsets, no more snow, no more pretty girls in bikinis, no more Apple Pie, no more warm summer nights, no more NFL, and no more America.

I want my world to go on forever. I may want to come back some day.


“I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.”   – Thomas Jefferson

Posted in America, death, earth, fear, life, Texas, universe | 2 Comments


“The best thing you can do for the poor is not be one of them” – Red on Red by Edward Conlon


This is Fernando. He is one of the most bona fide, decent human beings one could be fortunate to meet.

I met him when he came to this yard to work on drilling rigs being prepared for service after sitting idle for 2 years.

I mentioned the beautiful Abba song “Fernando” and, to my surprise, he had never heard it. So I googled it on my phone and played it for him. Man, did his eyes light up.

And thus began a friendship. I looked forward to our brief visits every morning when he arrived to work on the drilling rigs. With each day I learned more about this friendly man with a smile as big as Texas.

He was born in Chihuahua Mexico and at age 17 his family moved to Presidio, Tx. From there they eventually moved to Odessa, TX where he met his future wife. He learned to weld and is now an independent operator.

He lives in Odessa and has 2 young children. Fernando did it the right way and is now living the American Dream.

Makes you feel good to run in to people like that.

“The most absolute way of categorizing people is by what they are capable of, and what they are not capable of.” – “The Quick Red Fox”by John D. MacDonald

Posted in All kinds, America, Behavior, friendship, Gate Guard, human, Mexico, Texas | Leave a comment


“There is no time to heal that sort of wound” – A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman

I’m at a point in my life. I’m finally there. I care not a whit for other people’s opinions on just about anything. Politics and religion primarily but most other subjects as well.

Furthermore, no one is interested in my opinion. Nor should they be.

I am interested in what other people are thinking about. How they think.

That’s because thinking usually involves a process of honest consideration of words, deeds, and actions.

So all you misanthropic Cowboy haters out there with your childish, deleterious, felonious, comments about the Cowboys and their loss to those nefarious, blood sucking, low life, illiterate, scum wallowing Packers can just choke on a hunk of sharp cheddar.

That’s what I think.

“A perfect character might be attended with the inconvenience of being envied and hated” – Franklin by Thomas Fleming

Posted in All kinds, America, Behavior, cowboys, evil, FOOTBALL, NFL, Revenge, Texas | 3 Comments


“People are afraid of what they don’t understand. And hate what they’re afraid of” – The Bat by Jo Nesbo

Is that always true? Did Jo Nesbo nail it?

There is so much that I just don’t understand.

Like the concept of God.

Or July and August in Texas.

The allure of raw Oysters.





The attraction of living within the Arctic Circle.

Etc. Etc.

So much that I don’t understand but I don’t hate. And I’m certainly not afraid of those things.

Well, female logic makes me nervous as hell…………………………..

“They say the best men are born out of their faults and that they often improve later on, more than if they’d never done anything wrong” – A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman

Posted in All kinds, America, Behavior, fear, Gate Guard, God, human, life, religion, sex, Texas, universe, women | 5 Comments


“Life was like a movie and everybody thought they were the star of it. That’s why dying was hard. People didn’t want to accept it, that the movie would go on without them” Whiplash River by Lou Berney


Don’t ask or tell me to perform stupid, space filling, time killing, oracular, pointless acts you glib, insecure, micro managing, supercilious, churlish, obtuse, vapid asshole.

Your hubris is nauseating.

There………….I feel so much better.


“That was the difference between history and a joke; you could kill a joke if you repeat it” – Red on Red by Edward Conlon

Posted in America, Behavior, boss, Conversations, Gate Guard, Jobs, misery, Texas | Leave a comment


“It’s when you reach the end of things that you want to go back” – The Wrong Side of Goodbye by Michael Connelly

You have cancer.

I heard those words in 2009.

The paradigm shifted. Instinctively I knew my world, my life, my persona, my perspective would never be the same.

And, oddly, surrounded by doctors, nurses, and family, I felt very alone.


Some people accept this diagnosis with fatalistic resignation.

Not me. It ricocheted through my consciousness and set my soul on fire.

I experienced real fear.

An operation to remove the cancer and seven years of treatment have left me cancer free. One of the lucky survivors.

Some experiences dramatically change us and from that moment we perceive life differently.

As a result of my experience I gained a personal and honest empathy for those suffering with life threatening health issues that would not have been possible before.

“Everything is relative and that’s what makes it so bloody complicated” – The Bat by Jo Nesbo

Posted in America, cancer, health, life, life span, Texas | Leave a comment