THE ZIPPER

“Can’t be afraid of death. Only afraid of the pain you go through to get to death”

Today, May 30, Gaby and I celebrated 50 years of marriage, to each other. Consecutively. Not someone else. No combination of several others. Just us. Don’t know how, but we did it.

Through the day we reminisced the many and varied moments we shared through the years.

One very painful and embarrassing moment I can’t shake is the time I challenged THE ZIPPER.

It was a warm spring day in Memphis, Tn. Circa 1977.

A carnival had come to town. A young man’s fancy and an old fool’s folly.

David, 6 or 7 at the time, heard about it and wanted to go in the worst way.

Seems he had heard about this really neat ride called THE ZIPPER.

He really wanted to ride it. And I, being the macho father that I am, wanted to go with him. Just to show him how it’s done. You understand.

His mother wasn’t too excited about the idea and would only acquiesce if we agreed to wait for at least 2 hours after we had lunch. Didn’t want us getting sick so she said.

Get serious woman. Men don’t get sick I said. We shall ride the beast and conquer it I said. I beat my chest for emphasis.

David and I raised our fists as we thundered out the door, our veins pumping with testosterone. To conquer the beast. Make a manly statement. Women. What the hell do they know?

A short drive and there it was, the carnival. We parked. We got tickets. And then, we sought out the monster. Suddenly …….. THE ZIPPER.

It seemed to mock all who would challenge. We watched and listened as it screamed and moaned through gut wrenching gyrations. Medieval torture.

I may have winced. Not sure. Probably just gas. But David, no fear in that boy. Just eager anticipation.

Let’s go Dad.

Yes. Yes. Of course. Let’s do this. Wait. David. Are you sure? Yes, of course you are. Just checking.

We rode that beast for 60 sickening seconds before I relieved my gut of that tuna fish salad I had for lunch. Just 45 minutes ago.

David didn’t fare much better.

On the drive home we vowed to NOT TELL his mother. We crossed our hearts and swore to keep our secret forever. Because you know, Momma would never let us forget it.

And I would be in the dog house for months.

Arrived home. Gaby asks how was it?

And David blurts out…….DADDY THREW UP BUT I DIDN’T.

He always was a Momma’s boy.

“There may come a day when I really need to lie, and then it might be handy if you think I’m honest” – The Thirst by Jo Nesbo

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A Living Thing

“‘I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?”George Carlin

Have you noticed how some people are giving life to inanimate objects?

They like to say things like:

The toaster now lives under the sink.

Or

The car doesn’t live in the garage anymore.

You get the drift.

Assigning human value to inane objects.

Just another example of the usurpation of the English language by well-intentioned but misguided souls.

What if you heard one refer to the toilet bowl living in the bathroom?

Wow. Would I have fun with that?

Wait a minute. You have a living toilet bowl? And you actually sit on that thing for disposal purposes?

What if you catch it on a bad day? Consider the possibilities when you place your naked butt on the face of a living object.

Seems to me you need some serious counseling.

“Justice is no kind of absolute. It’s subservient to wonder” – Clandestine by James Elroy

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A New Friend

“If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” — Will Rogers

Made a new friend on the trail today.

This is Carol and her good looking Standard Poodle Jessica.

I love Standard Poodles.

“If your dog is fat, YOU need more exercise.”

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Royal Wedding

“We’re quite a reserved lot, the British, but when we go for it, we really go for it” – The Prime Minister

Ann set her alarm for 3 am to watch the Royal Wedding. I was up so I joined her. Generally I’m not into the Royal family. Fact is, I don’t understand the British obsession with royalty but there it is.

I do love pageantry though. And in that sense I loved the wedding. Nobody, and I mean nobody, does pomp and circumstance like the British. The uniforms, the esthetic venue, the majestic horses, the tradition and the history. Wow.

And then there was Meghan. In the moment, she was the most compelling. She absolutely stole the show.

She was right and just.

Sharing this beautiful event with Ann made it a special moment in time.

“There’s no more important decision in life than who you marry” –  Brad Paisley

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Eye Candy

“Hiking is a bit like life:

The journey only requires you to put one foot in front of the other…again and again and again.

And if you allow yourself the opportunity to be present throughout the entirety of the trek,

you will witness beauty every step of the way,

not just at the summit”

After months of intimacy with my recliner, I reached the conclusion that if I didn’t get up and engage in some form of exercise, I would become a marshmallow. I began slowly and gradually worked up to a mile every day.

It’s never easy but I manage with frequent breaks. And I can feel it in my legs. Even my breathing has improved.

I’m no longer a full size marshmallow. More like a mini-marshmallow.

I meet other huffers and puffers, just like me, along the way.

They come in all shapes, ages, colors, genders, and oddities.

I find the diversity of this bunch surprisingly interesting.

I shrewdly study each as we pass on the path. I try to peg them as we all do with each other. At least I think we do.

Here are a few of the types:

Eye Candy

Dog Walker

Old Guy (my category)

Eye Candy

Couples

More Eye Candy

Stay tuned for more tales of the trail.

“We don’t stop hiking because we grow old –

We grow old because we stop hiking.”

 

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Scary Behavior

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” –  Denis Waitley

 

On live PD, the sheriff department of Greenville County S.C. stopped a driver because his vehicle did not have a license plate.

Turns out the driver had no driver’s license, no insurance, and no registration. Additionally, he had two warrants, a loaded hand gun, and drugs in the vehicle. He was incarcerated.

How could this dangerous idiot be so stupid? Driving a vehicle without a license plate thus guaranteeing he would be stopped by a cop? This level of stupidity is unfathomable.

Turns out, while this particular incident is an extreme example of irresponsibility, the sheer volume of criminal behavior on our highways is frightening.

Most drivers have no idea how many people are operating 3,000 lbs. machines on our highways and in our neighborhoods without insurance or even a driver’s license.

People involved in accidents with these people are out of luck if they don’t have un-insured driver insurance.

I wonder who the parents of these reprobates are.

 

“Until the great mass of the people shall be filled with the sense of responsibility for each other’s welfare, social justice can never be attained.” –  Helen Keller

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Eating Crow

“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing” – Benjamin Franklin

I made a serious mistake. I used a word I did not know the true meaning of yesterday. I thought the word defined frivolous behavior. It does not. What was I thinking?

A dear friend succinctly made me aware of this egregious error as only she can.

There is absolutely nothing frivolous about misogynistic behavior.

I failed to vet the word. I thought I knew. Big mistake.

I apologize to Judy and anyone else I probably offended.

Posted in America, Behavior, evil, friendship, human, life, sex, Texas, Uncategorized, women | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Decisions…….Decisions

“Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and you make bad decisions”

 

Should I watch the Masters or take a nap? Welllllllll…..what if I usurp 4 days and 16 hours of my limited time and Sergio Garcia wins it again. How depressing would that be?

Win this thing Ricky. Return balance to the Golfing world.

What if I shared a light hearted joke about the many differences between the sexes with my wife and daughter? Would they appreciate the satirical humor or react with silence and hostile frowns?

Unfriend those who are prone to political rants even though I like them a lot? Decisions….decisions.

Hike on the Riverside trails or walk the mall? Esthetic preference.

Enjoy the present with desirable acquisitions or save?

Cheese cake or Blue Bell Home Made Vanilla? Impossible agony.

Storm shelter or roll the dice. Hmmmm. Safety vs cost.

Premiere League Soccer or Live PD? Order vs mayhem.

Burgers or Fajitas? Need help here.

So many daily decision. So many minefields.

 

Me: We need to fall asleep.

Brain: No, let’s stay awake and think about every bad decision we made today.

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Take a Hike

“The realization floods into your veins and overwhelms you” – Don’t let go by Harlan Coben

The city of Tulsa maintains 3 or 4 miles of hiking trails on something called Turkey Mountain located west of and bordering the Arkansas River.

Turkey Mountain

The trails vary in length and difficulty. A few are short and flat. Others are long and steep. Choose your poison.Gaby leading the way. Show off

Our preference is flat and short. But, no matter your choice, all offer lots of fresh air, healthy exercise, fun, and wonderful human experiences.

One of my many resting rocks.

Wonderful because as we huff and puff our way down the trail, we meet, greet, and converse with warm, friendly, family oriented people. I almost forgot they existed.

We came to a fork in the trail and took it.

Hikers having a good time.

Physical health and emotional peace.

So simple. So easy to find.

When someone tells you to take a hike……………….take a hike.

“Happiness was like moving on thin ice” – The Thirst by Jo Nesbo

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Help. I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up

“I can resist everything but temptation” – The Force by Don Winslow

Are you sick of these TV commercials?

“Help. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”

I know I am.

I don’t enjoy the graphic depictions of yet another land mine associated with ageing.

I mumble something like – get up you pitiful old fart. You make us all look bad.

I should be ashamed of such nasty thoughts. Right?

Still.

Anyway, my friend Harry has a plan.

Identify all of the potential “FALL ZONES” in and outside his house.

Bathtubs, Stairs, Rugs, and…….well……you get the idea.

Then make FALL KITS to include a phone, meds, snacks, pillows and blankets.

Place a kit at each FALL ZONE.

Harry doesn’t worry about falling anymore.

He’ll just take a nap until Joan finds him.

How great is that?

Call me Harry. There’s money here. I can feel it.

“In fact, looking back, it seems to me that I was clueless until I was about 50 years old” – Nora Ephron

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