Another Day in Paradise

“Cretins are the only humans who can be absolutely certain of their own sanity. All the rest of us go rocketing along rickety rails over spavined bridges and along the edge of bottomless gorges.” – “A purple place for dying” – by John D. MacDonald

Morning Cliff.

Got your smart phone handy?

Yes. Why?

Look up Dash Cams for me.

What?

Dash Cams. You know. Like what police have in their patrol cars to record stuff.

DASH CAM

Are you serious?

Yes. I want to record my trip back to Florida.

I refuse to ask the obvious. Well………………………………Ok……….I’ll bite. Why do you want to record your trip?

I might get in an accident or be abducted by aliens. That way I’ll have a record of it for the police and insurance.

UFO

Of course. So………………………….you have alien abduction insurance?

Doesn’t everyone?

Good point.

Later that day. Lost the satellite signal. Strange. Probably just a few dense clouds. It’ll come back in a minute.

Short time later. Still no signal. This is becoming a crisis. Maybe the wind blew it out of sync. Outside to check. So that’s it. Dumb cows decide to use my dish as a rubbing post.

Move towards them yelling obscenities. A few move but two big females rather languidly give me the eye.

Get the fog horn. Several blasts. Nothing.

Time for the nuclear option. Grab a big bottle of BBQ sauce out of the fridge and back at them.

Shoving the bottle practically in their flat faces I state in a deep, menacing tone – “NEXT.”

Head comes up, eyes open wide, ears stretch out, tail loses rigidity and walla…………movement.

Dish adjusted………………signal back. Dumb cows.

“That’s love in real life: messy and corrupt and completely unreliable.” – “This is where I leave you” – by Jonathan Tropper

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One Response to Another Day in Paradise

  1. Mark says:

    I love my Dish; but if it clouds up or hints at storming, you can be guaranteed an interuption. This, even with signal strength in the 70’s. I don’t need cows to lose my signal.

    Like

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