Pandora’s Box

“I sat down beside her, said hello, offered to buy her a drink… and then natural selection reared its ugly head.” – Unknown

As a follow up to my “open mouth – insert foot” post, give it up for the “what was I thinkin – really – you’re a brave man – you’re an idiot – you’re sleeping on the couch – give me a break – better you than me – are you out of your mind” post.

Or…………. “the opening of Pandora’s Box.”

We men were blessed with the “tune out” gene. That is, an ability, that has been passed down since time memorial, to listen but hear nothing. We have perfected the art.

So, in the interest of fair play, we need to examine a female gene that has been passed down through the ages. It is the core primeval urge of the species. The hamartia that plagues us to this day.

It is the “vacuum eliminator – space gorger” gene. Craving. Urge. Desire. Need. Want. Vocation. Birth Right. Calling. Drive. Whatever.

This gene is frequently misdiagnosed as the “shopping gene”. There is no “shopping gene”. The shopping behavior we men don’t understand and fear is not a gene in action. It is the manifestation of the X force.

This iniquitous driving force more commonly known as the “empty space is an evil thing – I hate space – this would look nice over there – I’ve got just the thing for there – you don’t need all that space – that wall needs a mirror – the art of covert space acquisition” gene.

This gene is what drives women to shop. They must fill the space. Once space is filled – more space must be created to, you guessed it, fill.

What else explains the need to aimlessly move through an entire Walmart store for hours with no real objective other than to explore and acquire. Think about it.

“A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.” –  George Bernard Shaw