Paranoia

“Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.”

The older I get…………..the more concerned I become about my health. Paranoid actually.

I trip over a rug. Oh my God…………………..my inner ear is shot.

A new spot on my hand. Skin cancer.

Where are my glasses? You’re wearing them stupid. The early stages of dementia.

Spot on my lung. Oh noooooooooo…………………I’m dying of lung cancer.

Achy joints. What’s that all about? Rheumatoid arthritis? Why me lord?

And so it goes.

Whooooooooooooooaa………………………what are those small lumps on my tongue? Never saw those before. Oh my God…………………………………oral cancer.

Let’s check this out on the net. Let’s see………………search oral cancer.

Hmmmmm. Lots of info here. Ugh. Gross pictures.

Bottom line………….check with dentist if something doesn’t seem right.

11/7 1:30 pm. Dentist office in Yorktown.

What’s the problem Robert?

I’m dying of oral cancer.

Really? Let me have a look. ……………………..And stop crying.

Ok. After a thorough check of your neck – chins – jaws – gums and lips I am certain you do not have oral cancer. Those lumps on your tongue are just fibrous growths, probably caused by trauma such as biting your tongue.

That will be $135. Pay on your way out.

Whew. Ok. Thanks Doc. I wasn’t really worried about it. My wife insisted I get your opinion. You understand. I am, after all, a macho guy.

“In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it Normal.”

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2 Responses to Paranoia

  1. I really enjoy your humor and the fact you are self-secure enough to use self-deprecating humor. If we all could laugh at ourselves, (with limits, of course) it would be a healthier world! Great post.

    Like

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