Foo Foo

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I
stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”

Foo Foo. It’s a generic term for all things feminine such as fruit, nuts, anything pink, organic, yogurt, health food, anything devoid of taste, any food product with words like organic, natural or healthy on the label and so forth and so on.

All things not associated with testosterone. Male stuff. Man stuff. Red meat. Potatoes. Butter. Bread. Sugar. Stuff with fat. Artery cement. Stuff like that.

Foo Foo makes my skin crawl. Scares me. I think.

So this morning Gaby rather blithely informs me she made ice cream last night.

Immediately alarms go off. This is not gonna be good.

What kind of ice cream I ask. Not really wanting to know. Because I already know.

IT’S FOO FOO ICE CREAM.

Oh God. Please help me. Don’t let her ask me to taste it. Please.

She made it with fat free milk, almond extract, a banana, some other stuff I barely recognize. She says. I want you to taste it and give me your opinion.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…………………………………..

This is not going to end well for me.

If I do the sensible thing and tell her it is good………………she’ll keep making it and expecting me to eat it. Forget Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla. And thus would begin the emasculation of Bob.

Come on Bob. Don’t be such a sissy. Just one taste and then tell me what you think.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…………………….

Please God, help me.  PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE………

Oh come on you big baby. Here we go.

Ugh!

It tastes awful. A conundrum.  If I tell her truth, I  could end up in the dog house for several days. And, I’ll probably be reminded of this insult 5 years from now, at which time I will have absolutely no idea what she’s talking about. Defenseless.

If I choose the lesser of two evils and advise her its fine, I’ll be eating this stuff for the rest of my life.

Send flowers. And Blue Bell.

“I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.”

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Cold Spell

“Common sense aided by present danger, will sometimes be too strong for whimsical opinions” – Franklin by Thomas Fleming

I’m watching an episode of the “The Last Alaskans”. Just about my favorite show thing to do. The show archives the daily lives of 4 families living north of the Arctic Circle.

Most of their struggles involve surviving the winters. Duh.

So this guy named Heimo is working his trap lines out there in the middle of nothing. Miles and miles and miles of ice and snow. On a snowmobile. So much clothing and fur on him that he looks like Sasquatch. For sure.

Even though his environment is my version of hell, I’m digging it.

So he wants to cross a river on his snowmobile to hunt on the other side. To do this he must first test the ice. Is the river frozen enough to support the weight.

Apparently it isn’t. Seems the area, according to Heimo, got hit with a heat wave and much of the ice melted. The temps rose from -50 F to -6 F. A HEAT WAVE?

I have never in my life associated -6 F with heat of any kind. Nor have I ever known a single human being who would. Except Heimo.

Around here……………….+79 F is a cool spell. Anything below +50 F is a cold spell.

Just sayin.

“Anyone is capable of anything, given the right set of circumstances” – Harbor Nocturne by Joseph Wambaugh

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A Good Book

“Poor fella, goes in for a prostate exam and the doctor slips on a pair of 2XX large rubber gloves” – The Long and Faraway Gone” by Lou Berney

At my age, a good book is better than sex. Just kidding. Not. Whatever.

I get lost in good literature. The pages and language absorb me. Within them, I am blind to the madness of our times.

So………………I feel terrible when I give up on a book too soon. How could I know I had done that you ask? Because I have a friend who is always eager to tell me – “You gave up on that book? Wow. That was one of the greatest books I’ve ever read.”

Thanks Harry. You couldn’t just leave me in ignorant bliss. Could you!!!!!

Still love ya buddy.

“Bad people can do good things” – Harry Bellerby

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Point vs counter point.

“I hope there’s some revenge out there somewhere. I don’t know if there’s another way to make it right” – The innocents by Ace Atkins

I do enjoy a good book. Well written. Interesting plot. Plausible characters. Heaven.

However, I get so emotionally involved with them that sometimes they leave me exhausted. I can only tolerate so much tragedy and triumph. Now and then I need a break.

At those times I resort to the old standby: quick read – transparent – nonsense laced with mindless violence and the good guys always win.

Characters like Jack Reacher, Hawk, and Virgil do the trick. Or, on rare occasions, I’ll simply read the newspaper or catch the body count on the 5 o’clock news.

Wonder why that is!?

Balance maybe? Point vs counter point.

“I tend to believe what people tell me, especially if it confirms my expectations” – True Story by Michael Finkel

Posted in America, Behavior, Books, death, escape, evil, Gate Guard, human, NEWS, Revenge, Texas | 2 Comments

Tupperware

“At my age, the only thing that’ll get me in trouble is too much stool softener” – “Redemption Street” by Reed Farrel Coleman

So I called Cliff this morning.

Hi Bob……what’s up?

Just checking on you. Are you at the same gate?

No. Moved to a new gate yesterday.

Where are you?

About 7 miles East of Artesia Wells on a county road.

Do you like it?

Yes. The cows and I are getting to know each other.

So you’re on a Ranch?

Yes. I have to keep the gate closed so the cows won’t get out.

Isn’t there a cattle guard?

Yes but they still want it closed.

That is so stupid. Don’t you just hate it when stupid people are in charge?!

Guess that makes me really stupid. Stupid people are telling me to do stupid things.

In some ways I’ll be glad when I’m on the other side of the dirt and don’t have to deal with all the B.S. anymore.

So Bob…….are you choosing cremation or a casket when the time comes?

Don’t know. Neither option appeals to me. It would be neat to just ascend. What about you?

I want to be buried in a plastic box with the word Tupperware on the side.

What? Why?

 Plastic doesn’t deteriorate and therefore my remains will last forever.

Bye Cliff.

“The time you have is like spooled thread. It comes off, little bit by little bit, until there’s nothing left.” – Edward Unspooled by Craig Lancaster

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Why?

“People fear what they don’t understand or what is different.” – Hurt Machine by Reed Farrel Coleman

Seems like I regularly question my core values. Tragic events stop me in my tracks. Why did that happen? Any logic involved?

The important consideration is not who or how but why? Me…….I want to know why and most of the time there is no good answer.

Damn. Shouldn’t it all be simpler? Obvious?

What I just can’t figure out is why we humans can’t live and let live.

There must be a reason. Don’t you think?

Wish I could blissfully go through each day without challenging my brain like this.

It would be nice to just accept what is.

Wouldn’t it?

“If you can’t prove God doesn’t exist, you better act like he does” – “Redemption Street” by Reed Farrel Coleman

Posted in America, Behavior, harm, human, life, misery, Texas, Uncategorized, universe | 2 Comments

Give me a break…….PLEASE.

“People do not have to die to go to hell” – “The Jealous Kind” by James Lee Burke

It is so difficult to get a break from the daily trials and tribulations of the human race. However, the fact remains that we all NEED a break. Otherwise we may lose our minds.

Our psyches were not formulated to sustain sanity in the face of constant, omnipresent mayhem.

Several years ago, as I entered my seventh decade on the planet, I began a process of withdrawal from the mainstream news dispensers of all types. Broadcast – Print – Conversation. I just don’t give a damn what others think anymore.

So, this diatribe is not an attempt to convert anyone to my side of the tracks. I’m just venting.

Sports, especially college football, has been a great escape for me. So this morning I’m watching ESPN to catch up on all of the games played yesterday. This is cool. All kinds of upsets and wonderful stories. Good stuff.

Then it all goes south. Quickly. Suddenly my senses are assaulted with the latest re: Colin Kaepernick and his immature demonstrations. This is followed by more examinations of various reactions, both pro and con. On and on ad nauseam.

Is there no escaping the crush of misery?

Blood is oozing out of my ears.

“Life will go better for you the less you’re bothered by people and their dumb habits” – Edward Unspooled by Craig Lancaster

Posted in America, Behavior, Conversations, escape, health, life, misery, NEWS, Texas | 7 Comments

Sin

“Early life experiences had a way of imprinting on a child’s behavioral patterns” – Harbor Nocturne by Joseph Wambaugh

A harm done to a child, whether physical or emotional, or both, becomes a seeping wound that never heals.

The harm is difficult to measure and often hidden. But it is there. Spreading its poison. Destined to exact a dreadful toll.

The harm is either the result of ignorance or evil. Ignorance can be recognized and forgiven. Evil cannot.

Either way, the scar remains.

“Emotions are not logical. There is a complexity to emotion that sometimes leaves people confused” – – Edward Unspooled by Craig Lancaster

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Health

“I don’t like to rely on hope. You never know how that’s going to go” – Edward Unspooled by Craig Lancaster

Hope. Now there’s a powerful word. Many have said that without hope we have nothing.

Actually, without your health, you have nothing. If you have your health, you have everything.

While we may hope for many things, we pray for good health. And therein lies the difference.

“The persistence of hope, only second to love, caused people to make terrible decisions, or worse, it stopped them from making decisions at all” – “The Hollow Girl” by Reed Farrel Coleman

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Michael

“The only thing you can really count on is that things change” – Edward Unspooled by Craig

Michael Ajiboye is the foreman of the Patterson yard I’m working. He is from Nigeria. I’m still not sure why he now lives and works in Texas. We’ve had a few intriguing conversations.

A few weeks ago he shared with me how he learned to fly as a teenager in Nigeria. He often flew with his Dad who was a licensed pilot. Apparently his Dad also liked the sauce and would fly FUI (flying under the influence). Sometimes he would pass out at the controls and Michael had to take the helm. Loved that story.

Today we talked about his enlistment in the Nigerian Army in the early 1990’s. Wow. What a story that was.

Liberia was embroiled in a civil war. The United Nations and an organization of West African countries (ECOWAS) sent a peace keeping force there to enforce the peace. Michael was a member of that force.

Peace did not last long and suddenly this peace keeping force was involved in a very nasty war. He spent 2 years in Liberia fighting that war. He was wounded 3 times and several of his fellow soldiers were killed. He summed up that entire experience with “It was horrible”.

Most soldiers are reluctant to discuss their war experiences and I did not want to press Michael for more details. If you’re interested, google Liberian Civil War.

Everybody has a story. Some are tragic. All are interesting.

These are a few men of that Nigerian army. Michael is not in the picture.

“The lies we tell ourselves are always the worst lies of all” – Hurt Machine by Reed Farrel Coleman

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